“Oh no,” I said as I gawked at my maid of honor in the most beautiful bridesmaid dress I’d ever seen. She looks way too hot in this dress, I thought. She’ll upstage me at my wedding!
I felt like crying. All my wedding guests’ gazes would be drawn to her attractive figure, displayed in all its glory in this bridesmaid gown. I was going to be upstaged at my wedding. Never mind that she’d stand smiling at my side during my wedding ceremony. Forget that I knew she’d feel beautiful when she gave her toast.
Within moments, I felt guilty. Why was I overreacting? Was I selfish? Jealous? Insecure? But how was I going to feel confident on my wedding day beside her when she looked so good?
I didn’t want to become Bridezilla. I valued our friendship. I couldn’t just start bossing her around—“Stop working out so you won’t have more toned arms than me,” “Quit tanning so I won’t look so pale next to you,” “Please wear this puke-colored gown so I’ll be the most beautiful without a doubt.”
I knew that, as the bride, all eyes would be on me for my wedding day. But inside I couldn’t help but feel a bit upset about the beautiful bridesmaid gown my maid of honor would wear to my wedding.
Myth #4: My bridesmaids will upstage me if I let them wear a dress that makes them look and feel fantastic.
No bride wants to be upstaged at her wedding, whether it’s by bridesmaid dresses, the flower girl’s antics, or a drunken cousin’s rendition of “Don’t Stop Believing” at the wedding reception.
Fortunately, Las Vegas brides, there are three main ways to handle this situation. First, you can cast your cares to the wind as a confidant woman who doesn’t mind what people wear or do as long as they’re having fun at your wedding. Secondly, you can choose the bridesmaid dresses yourself and determine the details with no external input, as long as your friends and family understand and support the “bride’s day, bride’s way” philosophy. Finally, you can include friends and family’s contributions, but be willing to wisely choose your battles. When you encounter an issue that seriously concerns you, be honest so it can be discussed and remedied.
Eventually, I met with my maid of honor and explained my concerns. While it took some guts to admit my insecurity beside her, it was worth the vulnerability. We were able to find a balance that worked for us both. And, yes, this included my maid of honor wearing the bridesmaid dress that she felt best in.
For brides in this situation, kindly explain your point of view without making accusations. Then listen to her perspective too. Maybe she didn’t think her bridesmaid dress with one-inch straps was attempting to upstage your wedding dress with one-inch straps. Instead, she may have chosen that style because it would completely cover her bra straps. Make decisions that benefit both you and your bridesmaids, so you’ll all feel beautiful for the wedding.
If you’d like, establish guidelines. While bridesmaids may wear a dress they adore, they may also forego a few details to differentiate the bride and bridesmaids. For example, if you style your hair in an updo, the bridesmaids can wear their hair down. If you wear brightly colored shoes, maybe they need to stick to neutral tones. With guidelines, you’ll be lenient enough to make your bridesmaids happy and still feel confident about being the beautiful bride who can hold attention.
Sure, before my Las Vegas wedding, I had worried about being upstaged by bridesmaids. But in that moment when I walked down the aisle with all wedding guests turned my way, with my hand on my father’s arm, and with my white dress’ train extending behind me, I knew I had no reason earlier to be concerned.
When you fear you’ll be upstaged, you worry that you won’t be beautiful or feminine enough to hold attention on your wedding day. But when you actually arrive at your wedding day, you’ll see. When you walk down the aisle, you’re completely captivating attention. The best part is that it’s coming from your groom. He’s not looking at any other woman. His gaze is on the bride. And in that breathtaking moment, his look is the only one that matters.
(Author: Allyson Siwajian © 2010)
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